does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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