How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
