I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
