so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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