I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize