WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
