I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
