Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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