Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
