her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My life is pants optional.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
