we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
