Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
