Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
