I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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