I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize