Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
