I am puke
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
