Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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