i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
