By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
