I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize