I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
