I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
