would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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