He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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