awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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