Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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