Swine flu. Run for my life!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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