I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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