Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize