i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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