my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
