I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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