I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
