I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
