I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
