Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
