Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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