i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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