I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
