So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm always down for nudity.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
