i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
