you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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