I wish I could teleport
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
