those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
