After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
