I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
