I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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