see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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