Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize