Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
