you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
porn star boner night. come get it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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