Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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