I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize