the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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