well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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