; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
