Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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