The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
