if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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