Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
