never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
