Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
