Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
