I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
