did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
