i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize