Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
