This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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