I'd wear matching sweaters with you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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