Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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