The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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