walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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