it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
