Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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