Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
