i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize