Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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