I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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