You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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