how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
