Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
