around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize