We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
