watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
