I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
