Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
