You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize