the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
