Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
