and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
