dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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