you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
