Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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