this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize