Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
