Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
