She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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