Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
