Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
