I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
