She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
