we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
