just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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