hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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