And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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